I have an idear (look out world!)

Alright, I'm sure there a people out there who read this but don't comment or anything, either b/c they're scared or just don't give a shaz. Or maybe I'm just being arrogant. Whatever, that's not really what I was trying to get at here. I have enabled people to comment as "Anonymous", and I actually like it when people take advantage of that. It lets me see the true thoughts of someone, even though I don't know who they are. I dig that. So if anyone reads this thing and a thought gets triggered, post it here in the comments section. I don't care if you're "Anonymous" or if you broadcast your name to the world. Just no phone numbers (right Pitt? lol). Seriously, use my space to rant and/or rave and/or write idears down and/or write a poem or story and/or whatever. I don't care. Well, I do care, just, well... gah, nevermind.

Also, if anyone can help me with the whole posting pictures dealy-o? Right now I have to post them on my MSN space PhotoAlbum if I want to share. Which I do. But I'd rather share them here. So for now, I'll just post a link to the MSN junk somewhere over there ---->.

A beautiful mistake

The product of
desire and loss
of self-control,
Born of arrogance,
ignorance,
free-will
and naivite,
a most perfect mistake,
the consequence
of passion
set free for a
heartbeat,
to exist for
a
lifetime.

sheez

so I'm out with some friends last nite, just hanging out and what-not, no big deal. Go back to one friend's apartment to wind down. She's having problems with her computer, and a guy from back home is helping her via RemoteAssistance, but still having some problems b/c she really knows nothing about computers. So I offer my assistance, knowing that b/w the two of us (me and the other guy), we can get this licked. Everything smooths out (especially once I show her how to turn off the NumLock function, it's a laptop). We get the program running to bust the viruses on her compy, then I bug off in a hurry, cuz I was about to miss the train and I didn't wanna spend the night. I catch the train after an interesting conversation with a con-man in the station (note: don't try to con an ex-con man). Get to the university, rush to catch my bus. The time is about 1:08 am (I know, cuz I checked). Last bus is s'posed to leave at 1:09 am. It doesn't show. Damn. So I hoof it the last 3.5 miles to my apartment. It's a little chilly with the wind, so I pick up some hot chocolate and cookies from Timmy Ho's. The walk was great, except, for some reason, some idiot was watering his lawn. IT'S 2 IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING!! Who waters their lawn at 2 am? I could see if it was an automatic sprinkler, but nooo, he's out there himself playing with the hose and junk. And I walk right through it. Got soaked. Not pleasant. Good thing it was only another block or so home. But man, that pissed me off. Hope everyone else had a better Saturday.

The Others

I wage war
against your
unseen foes
Losing more
than I'll
ever win

Heaven's my
eternal ally
the Pit
my enemy
though there
are days
when it
seems I
get stranded
in the
middle alone
both sides
attacking me
at once

Will my
battles ever
end? Or
will I
continue through
the course
of history
enduring oppression
to secure
eternal liberty
for those
who will
live to
enjoy it?

My struggles
will eventually
consume me.
Hasten that
day, for
it will
signal the
end and,
at last,
peace.

Ponderous Awakening

dreams unfold.
the fog lifts.
is it the past?
or things to come?
can one know
when they won't remember
come the morning light
what was revealed
during the night?

but if I remember
every time
every dream
every event
my over-worked synapses
create in their down-time
what advantage do I have?

I envy those
who forget
the creatures of
nightmares
because for me
they become
the creatures of
daily thought
no longer
living in shadows
unafraid of light

Hmmm...

I went to Burger King today, just for kicks, and because I like the food (go figure). Apparently there's some scratch 'n' win game going on, but you wouldn't know it if you hit the one on 109 St/Jasper Ave. For some reason, they didn't give me my little card. And I didn't figure it out till I got home and saw a commercial for it. Now that kinda ticked me off. I was robbed of a chance to win free stuff. That bugs me for some reason. Maybe it's cuz of my uber-cheap nature, but if there's a shot at me getting free stuff, I want it. Who are they to say otherwise?

I must have a pretty swell life if my biggest complaint of the week is that I didn't get free stuff.

New Word

I made up a new word just now, one that I can use anywhere without fear of repercussion because it's not profane or demeaning to anyone. Ready for it?

fuggernugger. or fuggernuggers, if you wish.

use it in whatever context you want. I started using it in place of futhermuckers, or as a general non-expletive exclamation. I'm sure you'll find creative ways to use it.

It's also defused a potentially explosive confrontation, just because it sounds funny.

Use it wisely, for it has much potential, for either Dark or Light. Kinda like that Skywalker kid. And we all know how he turned out....

Garn

I was going to write a parody of the Dave Matthews Band song Gravedigger, entitled Nose Picker, but as I was listening to the song, I realized that I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know if it's because I used to work for a funeral home or what, but I just couldn't bring myself to desecrate that song. That sucks, cuz it would've been really funny...

So I'll just do it this way.

Nose picker
with your finger way up there
digging for gold
knuckle to the nostril
what happens when you find it?

Do you flick?
Do you lick?
Pick and flick?
Pick and lick?
Pick, flick, lick?
either way....

ick.

Live on in memory

Live on in memory
Photography does no justice
Like a flash of lightning
the experience is over
So live on in memory
for pictures fade
but tales told
gain a certain glow
And when details depart
and the memory itself
is only a memory
you just know
and smile

I give up on titles

Right now, it's hard to be creative and write. So I've been relaxing, emptying my mind. Turns out, what comes into my empty mind does not translate into acceptable writing. I guess I need to have over-worked synapses in order to create. Writing, it seems, is a release for me. It's how I empty my mind. One way to explain it is in the form of a story I heard long ago.

A man invites a co-worker to dinner one evening. They get to the man's house, and the co-worker noticed that the man stopped and touched a shrub growing outside his door before entering. He asked the man how come he does that. The man replied, "Every day before going inside, I leave my worries and stresses on this tree so that they don't affect my family. And every morning I pick them up again. But the funny thing is, most of the time when I go to pick them up again, they aren't there anymore."

In a way, I guess writing is my worry-bush. And right now, I'm not really stressing about anything, so I have nothing to put in it's branches.

My May long-weekend was a blast, really relaxing. Went to Jasper National Park with 3 friends (of the female variety, how I swung that, I don't know). Went rock-climbing with about a dozen other people we hooked up with while there. We called ourselves "The Insta-Crowd." Met a really nice family who we hung out with over dinner one night. Being the only male in our campsite, I was the designated fire-starter and pack-mule, and when it was time to leave, the designated car-packer. All in all, a good weekend.

Parting Shot.

I'm off to go camping for the weekend (huzzah for spontaneity!!) So I leave you with this:

Exposed beyond the shadows
Naked to discovery
turning, looking
Nothing for covering

Running, stumbling
Falling, scraping
Rising, running
Breathless

Ahead a shelter
of sorts
ruins of majesty
disgraced
by forgetfulness

Is it here?
There is nothing.
Yet
there is
something

Heavy and grey
Familiar
forms etched into the lid
slid
to one side

Home.

...

Whoa...

I was just looking at the VIARail site... and to go from Edmonton to Montreal would cost me ~800 bones, with a student discount. Ouch. Greyhound's a little cheaper @ ~$600. But either way, I'm looking at over 2 days of travel each way... if I wanted to spend that much time on the road, I'd go to Mexico. But now I know roughly how much to save for next summer, if I wanted to go to Montreal next summer. But who knows, plans change, idears are born and die, and 365 days is a loooong time. We shall see. Maybe I'll be back on my Vancouver buzz by then.

Holy Sweet Mother of Jesus

I just (literally, just) finished watching the season finale of CSI.

My life is complete. (just kidding)

George Eads deserves an Emmy. Hell, he deserves two; Best Actor and Best Sound Effects, for the noises he made while buried alive (sorry for the spoiler, in case anyone reads this and hasn't seen it).

GD, that was a helluva show.

But... "Poncho"?

Edit: Yes, Tarantino did a good job. But it was the actors who pulled it through. Gary Dourdan deserves an Emmy too.

Diary of a Double Agent

Caught up in a web of intrigue
tailing
evading
close encounters and narrow escapes
the life of a double agent

sent to Hell on a mission from Heaven
just to keep an eye on things, they said
But doesn't He know all? I thought
but it doesn't pay to question the Head.

Mandated but free
one Objective to achieve
but how is up to me

Why choose me? I asked
Because you know more Truth
than any mortal should

You've studied the texts, the grimoires, the codices
You've seen the tools and artifacts
You know what they're for and how to use them
Yet you remained faithful to our cause

We cannot protect you there
You will surely be found out
Rely only on your own faith and strengths
You'll be tempted to defect, without doubt,
far more than ever before.

He will find you.
He will know you as his enemy.
He will take steps
to draw you to his side.

As his servant.
His most powerful servant.

He'll say.

I only studied so
to know my enemy
and war effectively
I thought I should know.

If I can bring them into this world
I could take them out of this world.

But now I'm here
in the Devil's lair
Sending the word...

Prepare.

Temporary Blindness

Disoriented by this sudden onslaught of Darkness
Confused by the lack of a sense
Stumbling up agianst one wall, then another
Enshrouded in this metaphysical fence

Feeling my way down the hall to curl up on the floor
Drawing a blanket(?) near for comfort
I fumble for the remote, the phone, just to hear a voice, any voice
Even the radio, which never has anything decent to report

But I don't own a radio
the phone is dead
and the couch ate the remote again
So I'm left alone in my void

Suddenly I'm not alone anymore
Blinding light pierces the shroud
I have to squint to make sense of it
Then I exclaim out loud

I can see again
the sun, the trees, the city life
I see it all through fresh eyes
my reward for enduring past strife

Everything's normal again
Never to be the same again

Patience, baby...

Vision becomes clearer
Purpose comes nearer
But still shrouded in grey
Not to be known today
Patience serves well
While waiting for it to tell
Where I go from here
Whether far or near
What destiny holds
I do not know

So I wait.

Kids

From joy to despair in the space of a stumble
One moment pure freedom, the next nothing but trouble
The suddenness of it as painful as the result
Their laughter and smiles akin to adding salt
But healing takes no time
those who mocked are forgotten
And joy once again runs freely.

Repercussions

so yeah, yesterday I said that someone's gonna feel my anger, most likely me. And that's exactly what happened. I hurt myself. I decided I needed to work out my rage in a physical manner, so I did an hour of stretching (which felt really, really good), then somewhere around 60 or 70 crunches. That really hurt afterwards, and I spent another 1/2 hour trying to stretch my abs. I'm fine today, though, so I'm wondering if I coulda maybe made it to 100... hopefully by the end of the week I will. But last night hurt a lot, and I couldn't do the rest of my equipment-less workout. That'll teach me.

so a bunch of guys came to the city on friday night, stayed with me till this afternoon. we had a good time. played soccer, swam, ate a freaking huge dessert at Red Robin's called a Mountain High Mud Pie. didn't feel so hot after that. sunburn on my arms, legs, lips and forehead. they left today, just at that point where going out and doing stuff became normal. so now, bored outta my skull, and disappointed that the national team lost a gold-medal final (they shouldn't even have made it to), I turn to the anonymity of the internet to placate my lack of social life? jeez, how pathetic is that? I'm feeling thoroughly disgusted with myself and my life right now. I need to shake things up a little. Yep, RyeGuy's pissed, for no good reason, and someone's gonna feel it. Most likely me. We'll see.

Bloody hell. Usually when I'm pissed I get creative. But right now, I can't write a damn thing. That....really....sucks. Bloody hell. I need music. Angry music. grrr....

I dunno... I guess "Untitled" is pretty unoriginal, so call it whatever you want

Raise yourself to new heights
Be prepared for new sights
This world is changing constantly
For better, for worse, constrained and free

XIX

I feel the anger taking over my heart
So I move, set myself apart.
I start to see red as my soul is getting mugged
So I return to you, to stand inside your love.

As I stand here oh Lord
Let your words ring true
Help me to forgive them
For they know not what they do
I stand in your love, oh God,
Please make me shine
Make me a man apart
One of your own kind...

I'm driven towards anger, Lord,
Being led to sin.
Show me how to release this darkness
and reveal the light within.

To forgive, but not forget, and
To look back with wisdom,
To show justice and mercy
and to further your kingdom.
When I retreat into you
I'm shown this to learn.
Then I go and battle again,
only to return.

I give you my heart, and all that's inside.
I give you it all, I want nothing to hide.

[from you]

XVIII

It was hard not to stare
at your beauty that day
when you looked like an angel
descending in grace.

Empty

Too many people pulling at me,
Pulling in too many ways.
How am I supposed to stand it all,
When all I want to do is crawl away?
Everyone wants something from me,
But all I have are two hands,
One mind,
One Spirit with which to give,
And they're all running on
Empty.

Help.

That's all I have energy to say now.

Help,
please.