I was going through some older writings, and found myself wishing I
could feel like that again. What does that say about my spiritual
state? About my focus? What has happened in the last 2 months that has
brought me from such a fantastic high point to this valley bordering
dispair? What has changed?
The only answer is "me". I've changed. But I don't recognize how. I
feel like the same person I was so many weeks ago. Whatever has
happened to me has to have been a subtle shift, a slight change, or
else I am completely blind to myself and might need an evaluation. I
don't know. But hey, if you do, tell me. I'll even enable anonymous
commenting for you.
1 comment:
a nice quote comes to mind which may or may not be relevant:
"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... it feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... except maybe yourself a little.
When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.
But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again"
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