Smurf You

Smurf You

Holding on to joy
Letting go of pride
Forging bonds
Reinforcing ties
Looking forward
Letting go
Letting go
Letting go...

Grasping grace
Loving life
Living love

It's all freakin' hard sometimes.

But I smurfin' smurf you, you smurf, you.

Crapsticks

This place is an emotional outlet, and emotional responses are one of the hazards of maintaining it. That said, I did not, in any way, mean to upset, offend, or otherwise hurt anyone with my last post, and I offer profuse apologies to anyone who was.

Frig. Dig up, Ryan. Or better yet, put the shovel away...

Sunday was a Failure

Sunday was a Failure

For those who asked - I finally pegged the cause for calling this past
Sunday a crappy day. It's because so much of it was a capital-F
Failure, and I let it drag me down. And to top it off, a friend and I
had made plans to make our friend-gathering an "intentional night,"
where we bring up deeper discussion in order to foster growth and
maturation in our relationships with each other. But we let the night
get railroaded into another shallow, basically meaningless fun-night.
The worst part of it all is that I've heard more than just a couple of
us express the desire to go deeper, be more intentional, but no one
there seemed even remotely interested. Frustrating, to say the least.
Add it all up, and it's a big fat Failure.

There it is. Am I over it? Well, almost. I'm working on it, which is a
start. But hey, at least I'm writing again...

Some recent thoughts...

Some recent thoughts...

I was going through some older writings, and found myself wishing I
could feel like that again. What does that say about my spiritual
state? About my focus? What has happened in the last 2 months that has
brought me from such a fantastic high point to this valley bordering
dispair? What has changed?

The only answer is "me". I've changed. But I don't recognize how. I
feel like the same person I was so many weeks ago. Whatever has
happened to me has to have been a subtle shift, a slight change, or
else I am completely blind to myself and might need an evaluation. I
don't know. But hey, if you do, tell me. I'll even enable anonymous
commenting for you.

Always

Here I lay with body battered, spirit shattered, and heart exhausted.  Weeks and months of believing I'm ridding the world of malevolent giants have revealed themselves to be nothing but tilting at windmills.  My eyes have scaled over again; it is hard to see the blessings in this world anymore.  

The wind stirs over me; its coolness brings faint reminders of what I've known... a whisper of memory, a yesterday so long ago.  It brings the call of a name... is it mine?  My reply is but a hoarse whisper passing from a parched throat through cracked lips.  Again the breeze caresses my face...

No- it's not the wind.  A rasp of skin on the stubble of my cheek and my eyelids crack open a sliver.  A piercing silver light stabs at them, then fades into a softer, whiter aura of peace.  I see a face above mine, a familiar shadow radiating love and grace.  

It speaks softly, clearly - "Rest, my son..."

I croak back - "You're here..."

He smiles, and says - "Always."