So Long

The soundtrack for that night was the slam of a car door, closely followed by ignition and the fading sounds of motion. After that, silence, broken only by the hum of a street lamp.

I felt every second of the next morning. The afternoon weighed so heavily on my shoulders that my manager sent me home early. The evening gave a moment's respite: a fleeting glimpse of the other side as the home team won. The night was spent watching the ceiling fan rotate, wondering I would do if it fell. Probably nothing. I felt so numb that the prospect of having an appliance fall on my manhood elicited nothing more than... well, nothing.

You can only ignore things for so long before you lose them forever.

Either that, or they blow up in your face.

That would've been preferable.

At least then I'd know where we stand.

Randomizer - Engage!

I just realized I've been doing this for over 2 years now... I thought dudes were supposed to be afraid of commitment?

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My little brother (little? well, he's wiry... and shorter than me... yeah, little) is into barefoot running now. Apparently it's gaining quite a following; supposed to improve technique, prevent injury, blah blah blah.... I've been going barefoot since I was knee-high to a short horse, and I could care about my running technique - it's all about comfort.

I hereby initiate a protest against socks! If you don't have to wear them, DON'T! (Christine, make sure the kids know! It's never too early to start!)

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I've joined Facebook. Why? I dunno... well, I do know. I was sick for 2 weeks with some crappy mc-crapperson infection in my lungs and sinuses, so I got bored. But that's no excuse; it's not even a reason. Why am I saying this? Cuz it's random....

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It's really really ridiculously hot in my apartment. 11th floor, middle of downtown, no ac, no blinds. Swell...

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I'm still single. Have been for all but about a year of my life (combined total). Why? It's easier this way. Also, waaaayyy cheaper.... I'd like to get married, have kids, all that jazz, but I left home first, so I figure my brother should get married first. Which probably means I'll be single for quite some time yet.... (that's right, I went there!)

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It got really dark really fast just now... it's definitely gonna rain. Hopefully a thunderstorm. I likes the thunder, and the lightning. So cool....

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Even Jesus Cried

Footsteps, followed by an "Are you okay?"

He looked up, "Oh yeah, everything is just beautiful!"

She was a little taken aback by the sudden onslaught of sarcasm. "Oh, uh, okay then."

He put his face back in his hands, certain she would walk on.

"It's just not every day one sees a grown man sitting on a park bench crying."

"Really? One would think a person like you might've encountered it more than once in her lifetime."

Assaulted again with the scathing sarcasm, she decided to take the offensive.

"Listen buddy, I'm out here walking along, all of a sudden here you are crying, I offer compassion and all you can do it bark at me? What kind of person are you?"

Caught with his guard down, he puts his hands over his face again.

"Apparently a real shit-heel."

Compassion restored, she sat beside him.

"Why?"

He looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

"I don't think you really want to listen."

She just looked at him; he looked away.

"Fine. The week started off terribly, with some of my supposed 'friends' apparently angry with me, then work was not exactly the be- oh come on, you really want to hear this?"

Now she cocked an eyebrow.

"You've already started; might as well finish."

He sighed.

"Fair enough. So work wasn't all that great, although it did pick up as the week went on (pretty much the only bright spot of it all). Then things started to look up, when all of a sudden I get asked questions like, 'Are you going to this event', 'why are you here and not with your friends'... those type of things. So I check my phone, because I sometimes get busy and engrossed and miss calls, or forget to turn up the ringer after work, but nope! No calls. Nothing. Shunned by the very people I thought were my friends. Add to that I'm still new to the city, have no way to get around other than my feet, unless I rely on a 'friend', and you have a pretty handy recipe for despair."

She nodded.

"I can see how you might think that way. But why are you letting it get you so down?"

His body shuddered, and his shoulders sank.

"I'm only human. I can only bear so much. There is so much more that I've left out, that I can't tell you because I don't know you and because I fear its simplicity and it's foolishness. It weighs so heavily on my shoulders; add to my masochistic penchant for being a listening and leaning post for people, and you can see why. There are so many emotions swirling around in my head, in my heart, in my soul... and right now they're feeding this demon Despair, the fattest one of them all."

She thought for a silent moment.

"That's very interesting, the way you word it. 'The fattest one'. Why would you say that?"

He grinned a little, not out of amusement, but because there was simply no other expression to be made.

"That's easy. Of all the World's troubles, of all its sins, the only one that could make Jesus cry was Despair. We have evidence for all of his ordeals - the 'trials', the beatings, the actual crucifixion - Jesus took them all remarkably well. But it was when His Father had to hide His face, turn His back on Jesus, and let Him die... it was when Jesus realized that His friends had left him, His Father had forsaken him.... it was then that He cried."